I have a confession to make…I’m human.

 In Bikini/Fitness Model Competition Prep, Life

I have a confession to make. The struggle is real, I feel it just like everyone else.

For almost 3 years now I have been living the lifestyle, which I coach my everyday girls with, they learn the method, the come and go from being under my guidance as they need me. I coach myself and others to the stage using this same method, but this year I employed a coach to help me to the stage. Not because I couldn’t coach myself any more but because my business has grown and in my last prep I let the emotional decisions run my prep, the stress of making decisions for myself as well as others got to much and I ended up on stage with a physic I really wasn’t happy with or proud of. From there I looked around for other comp prep coaches just to take my mental focus off of myself to make my prep decisions so I could focus 100% on my girls. I thought I had asked all the right questions and thought I had found someone who followed a similar method to my own. No 2 coaches are the same even if we did the exact same course we would coach different from personal and client experience, you learn and you evolve as a coach from these experiences.

The moment I receive my first program and meal plan (not macros like I thought) my heart sunk, there was multiple tears because I realised I hadn’t picked someone with a method like my own, it was completely different it was a method I had used in the past, clean eating with a cheat meal. I?ve done clean eating in the past but it would lead to weekend binges, its not for me, just like its not for my girls, its balance everyday with flexibly dieting that works for me and every member of Team Smart. I decided that because I’d handed a very large amount of money to this coach (more then any of my clients pay me) I would ride the wave and see how I go, and its only 12 weeks, after 12 weeks I?ll go back to my method, my lifestyle. Right?

Did you know it takes 21 days to break a habit and create a new one? I tell clients that all the time and at the 4 week mark I thought I had let go of my controlling manner (lets face it its why I?m in this industry I?m a control freak) I got on board with the weekly cheat meal, and I did notice as I got closer to the end of my prep the cheat meals did get a little bigger then weeks 1-4, but actually thought very little of it at the time. What I know realise was that at the 4 week mark (28 days) I had broken my good habit and fallen back to a bad habit I just didn?t know it yet.

I got to the stage and look amazing, my best to date, I?d put in a lot of work and followed my coaches meal plans to a T. When I returned from my comp I was back to looking after myself, I gave myself the 3 -4 days post comp grace of eating some treats but not over eating. Unfortunately that wasn’t where it was stopping, I started binging, complete disregarding my own macros I would get so mad at myself and couldn’t understand why I kept doing it, this was out of character. After 3 weeks of falling off the wagon (not as often each week but still not following my macros multiple days of the week) I finally heard the voice in the back of my head say ?its ok you can eat it now, but once you start with your coach next prep you can?t.? So there it was I had deprived myself, given myself, no flexibility during my prep, broken the good habits that had taken time to create and gone back to an old bad habit. So what was I supposed to do? Be gracious with myself slowly start to coach myself back to my own method, I bounced my issues off my training partner Steff and am now taking a different approach to how I would normal do it, I changed to 5 fully track days and 2 days tracked to much lower macros with a cheat meal on top. To help my psych recover from what I had done to it, I?d taking the flexibility and balance of regular treats not in excess away from it and given it back the binge trigger I used to have, before flexible dieting. As I feel the binge trigger relax I will take away one cheat meal and make it a fully tracked day and then the last remaining cheat meal will eventually leave my diet to so I get back to the Team Smart method. Luckily it means I can evolve as a coach further if I have a client come to me with the same problems, unfortunately I had to experience first, and being that control freak I am I really struggled with it.

Does the above make me a bad coach? No it makes me a better coach, even though I had over come my binging behaviour over the years I didn’t realise how close under the surface the trigger was. I personally hadn’t set off my trigger in over 3 years, but it reminded me I am human just like everyone else. I have clients come to me and stay with me for 6months, they are on track and feeling confident and go off on their own, as thats the point of my method, to not always need me, but then somehow they fall off the wagon so they come back to be coached for me to;

  1. get back on track.
  2. learn what triggered the wayward behaviour.

By learning your triggers you can avoid your triggers so that you always are on track, thats part of what I do with my girls as a coach, because sometimes they hit those triggers while still being coached by me, so we work their way through it and learn from it!

I have come a long way as a person and a coach and I look forward to growing, through personal & clients experience but also through education, you can never know everything and if someone tells you they know everything and don’t have consideration to any other option aren’t worth having coach you.

So what am I going to do for my next comp prep? I don?t know yet, I had already intended to do a 16 week prep after my bulk and do at lest the first 4 weeks myself, and maybe I?ll decide I can do the remaining 12 for myself or maybe I will go with my coach again and work with him to avoid hitting my binge trigger, because what has happened after this prep isn’t actually his fault, its mine. How? I never told him I had these issues in the past, my lack of communication was at fault, but I didnt realise I still had those behaviour so it was all learning. But thats far to far away for me to stress about, what I know is right now. And right now I have just had a massive learning curve I am proud of myself for addressing it and overcoming the guilt trying to keep it secret but also so grateful for my amazing friend Steff for being there, listening, giving me my style tough love back, different ideas and helping me get back on track.



I would like to clarify that my comp prep coach isn’t a bad coach but not every approach is right for everyone that is why there is so many different coaches out there with different approaches. I have a method that works for me and my clients.


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